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Oh you!

by Sam

Oh, you! You robbly maggot
you halibut and sandwich supreme!
My, you’re so lovely and glovely and spry
next to you I feel I just beam!

Greens for Philip

by Sam

Philip liked to eat his greens
though he ate them very slowly.

His mom would get upset sometimes
She’d say “Philip, holy moley!”

Philip wouldn’t listen though,
He’d just chew and smile and munch.

He loved snow peas and broccoli
and ate asperagus at every lunch.

Lunch would stretch right into dinner
and dinner was a late affair.

Once, he even fell asleep
while sitting in his chair.

When his mom came downstairs
to find him there, face down last night’s kale,

she said “enough’s enough, this can’t go on!
you eat just like a snail!”

His mom was concerned that he was moving too slow
so she gave him a bowl of hot fudge.

He took a big gulp and his eyes went aglow
but years of greens made his limbs tough to budge

Fudge was the answer though Philip still yearned
for a spinach and green bean buffet

So his mom compromised and now every night
she makes him chocolate and okra souffle


by Mike

For those of you who are pressed for time
I offer up this simple rhyme
To those who are driven to work like a dog
And feel guilty for times passed as bumps on a log
Don’t be sorry or sad for the occasional day
When you watched the time fly and go fritter away
And although it’s been said “You’ll sleep when you’re dead,”
If you’re lying in bed, don’t fret with your head
Enjoy the slow pace and the break from the race
And let go of the pitter and patter and pace
So here’s to the moments when a person can say
“I’m quite content with my covers and right here I will stay!”

Just Checking

by Sam

If yesterday you ate a sock
Would you eat a foot today?
And if tomorrow you fight a hawk
Would your elbows start to sway?
Would you engage in French swordplay?
Would you start to drift away?
Would you jam out to sweet raggae?
Would you slap that hot DJ?
Would you engage in rough horseplay?
Would you loom in my doorway?
Would you listlessly obey?
Would you wear a smart toupee?
Would you remain a sad cliche?
Would you hate all this clever wordplay?


by Sam

There once was a girl named Mabel
who lived in a stinky horse stable.
With the moon she often fought,
and all the animals thought
that it seemed like she might be unstable.

(Shiver) Ye Booty

by Sam

Yo ho ho let’s see some hooks in the air!
Motherfuckers scream as I bring the despair.
Maxin’ on the poopdeck till the sun goes down.
Jolly rogger flappin as we’re plundering your town.

Came across a scallywag punk-ass bitch
Thought he was my matey, turned out he was a snitch
Walk the plank! I told the scurvy dog
His life ended quick as he walked into the fog.

There once was a guy,
who shot me in the thigh,
gave me a peg-leg and then he stabbed me in the eye

A sailor I are,
I navigate by star
With no depth perception I’ll still punch you in the ARRRRRRrrrr!!!!......


Yo ho ho and a bottle fulla rum
Pour some for my homies that got torn up by the Huns.

Yo ho ho and a bottle fulla beer
I’ll punch you in the belly and then chop off your ear.

Yo ho ho on a dead man’s chest
Keep a lookout for some booty in the old crow’s nest

Yo ho ho it’s a pirate’s life for me
I pillage in the village and I fuck the bourgeoisie!

Justine and Just Earl

by Sam

Ages ago there was a sweet girl
who lived with a cat whose name was Just Earl.
The girl was Justine and her hair was quite curly.
Just Earl would claw it and make the girl surly.
She’d snap at the cat
“Stop being a brat!”
Then Just Earl would delight her by chasing a rat.
This contented Justine, as the rats were quite mean.
They’d hide in her closet and then make her scream.
She loved the mad cat with all of her heart;
She loved him the best because he was smart.
Sometimes at night Just Earl would go hunting
but he’d always be sneaky and not just confronting.
He’d trick the rats into playing a game
that would lower their defenses and make them go tame.
He’d get them to sit at a table and play
Texas Hold’em and Uno and sometimes Bouré.
He’d let the rats win and make them feel happy
and then while they’re giggling his teeth would go snappy.
Justine and Just Earl lived happy indeed.
They needed only each other, on this they agreed.